Here’s a list of things that, when I hear or read them, make me say rude words. Enjoy.
We only use 10% of our brain
Citing this as evidence would suggest you are using significantly less than 10% of your brain. There’s no evidence. Any company that claims their tech will help to unlock the rest of the brain has been rolling in cow excrement.
Blue sky – Marcus Elliott
When the apocalypse comes, the skies will be red, but it won’t matter because you’ll be dead. First.
They’re just ideas mate.
Change Agent – Marcus Elliott
Saying you’re an Agent of SHIELD doesn’t make you a superhero. Saying you’re a change agent just makes it sound like you work in the booth at an amusement arcade (incidentally, one of life’s real superheroes)
It doesn’t empower anyone.
Customer – Marcus Elliott
If you think that HE should have ‘customers’ then maybe you need to head to the private sector where money rules. Do not pass go. Do not take £200 (just as a kicker).
Education is not a transaction. It’s a privilege.
Delivering Learning – Phil Barker
I hope they have Amazon Prime, I like the convenience.
Digital – Lawrie Phipps
Making something digital does not make it big or clever.
Digital Natives and Immigrants
Oh, come on.
It’s either just an organic change or improvement, or you’re being a pain in the arse. You choose. Marcus Elliott
e- words – Viv Rolfe
Think elearning, eassessment, eeducation et al. Mate, it’s just learning, assessment and education. Sticking a computer into the process doesn’t make it better or special.
Wonderful. The edu ‘e’ words bug me also.
— Viv Rolfe (@VivienRolfe) January 23, 2018
What is that? Define it for me. How shall I measure it? Oh, you don’t know, then don’t tell me X increases engagement. Let’s slap it all over our strategy and marketing materials though.
Yer ’cause whether you’re desirable for a job can be boiled down to simplistic measures.
Well done, you wrote some stuff down.
Future Ready – David Honeybone
When is the future? How should I ready myself? I’ve always been of the belief that everything will stay exactly the same forever so I hadn’t prepared. WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!??
Futurist – Lorna Campbell
Can I add “Futurist” to that list? You know the type – over confident blokes in suits who pitch up at conferences to do keynotes telling us we need to disrupt and innovate.
— Lorna M. Campbell (@LornaMCampbell) January 23, 2018
Generation X, Y, Z (and every other letter of the alphabet yet to be ruined)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Homogenising groups of people to sell products is not helpful. NEWSFLASH not everyone is the same.
Just what? See Engagement.
REALLY? I can’t even be bothered to explain myself. Just no.
Management diagrams – Viv Rolfe
Might I add a section on management diagrams? Anything with hexagons?
Is Microsoft Word Smart Art included?
— Marcus Elliott (@marcuselliott) January 23, 2018
Yes, Marcus, it is.
Millenials (and all other ‘ials’)
See Generation X, Y, Z. One of the most irritating and insulting phrases of recent years.
Although, I’ve been toying with the idea that anyone born during WW2 should be called “Blitzkriegians”, categorised by an aversion to Hitler, quick reactions to air raid sirens and knowing all the words to Vera Lynn’s “We’ll Meet Again”. Ridiculous right? A bit insulting yer? SO STOP IT.
Models – Marcus Elliott
think-y draw-y word-splosions
— Donna Lanclos (@DonnaLanclos) January 23, 2018
REMOVED Paradigm – Lawrie Phipps
Paradigm has been saved!
Perhaps we need a poll on this one.
Should paradigm enter the HE Bullshit Dictionary?
— Kerry Pinny (@KerryPinny) January 23, 2018
Obviously, there are genuine times when the word paradigm is rightly used.
unless you are actually studying Philosophy of Science, in which case, its definitely a thing.
— Scott Wilson (@scottbw) January 23, 2018
I’ve yet to have someone tell me something was a “paradigm shift” and it actually be one. 9/10 it’s just rebranding
— Dr Chris Headleand (@ChrisHeadleand) January 23, 2018
Nor have I but apparently one will be happening real soon.
Serious Experiment – Anne-Marie Scott
Like experimenting, but with all the joy and light in the world sucked right out of it. Serious experiments can only be carried out wearing grey protective clothing.
Serious Play – Marcus Elliott
Does that mean some play is ‘not serious’? I’ve shed blood over lego. And, why the hell does learning and education need to be serious? Maybe that’s why people don’t engage.
Its just play, mate. Juxtaposition doesn’t make it clever.
Skill, Skillset et al. – Marcus Elliott & Viv Rolfe
When Liam Neeson said he had a ‘particular set of skills’ in the film Taken, he was so damn cool. When you say skillset, you sound like a prat. Skills are not like Pokemon, you don’t collect them then sell the complete Skillset on ebay
More ultimately meaningless words. That I feel should always be spelt “skillz” because “I haz mad skillz”.
Step-change – Joel Mills
You Change or don’t. There is no step.
— Joel Mills (@iLearningUK) January 23, 2018
But how do we say the change was significant? WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
The student experience – Anne-Marie Scott
No arguments that students should have an enjoyable and worthwhile time at uni, but can you define for me in less than 1 page what “the student experience” is?
I think Anne-Marie needs to be a bit more of a thought leader.
Thought leader – Marcus Elliott
Trotted out when management want Innovation (the rehashing of an old concept with a fancy new name) and decide to outsource to an evangelical ‘expert’.
Thought leaders sound like they should be running cults. And they always die during the FBI sieges.
Asking for better thoughts doesn’t really work.
You are Right or left brained
Nope. You’re not using either side.
Do not be insulted if you have ever used the phrases listed. We’ve all done it. But I would suggest you take some time to reflect on your life.
Add your dictionary entries to the list in the comments!